Readers' Comments
Total Comments: 17
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In Your Next Chapter, Caring for an Aging Parent
Total Comments: 17
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November 23, 2008
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Elder Care and FMLA
DOD
Tue May 27, 2008 11:09 AM
Post Reply
I left an HR job for a lesser one outside DOD in 2006 to help my aging parents. Shortly thereafter my age 84 mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I took off from work to take her to doctor appointments (7 doctors), hospital visits (2 surgeries), moved them from apartment to assisted living, hospice care, funeral arrangements: 11 weeks altogether. My new agency was forced to comply with FMLA (Thank God for it). AFGE was useless. I'm back in DOD but it was not easy to return to the job I had. I wish that I could retire now. Life is hard. NSPS is very brutal.
Q & A
USAF
Tue May 27, 2008 1:50 PM
Post Reply
Q: "My mother is very high maintenance."
A: There are also nursing home options and assisted living options that need to be evaluated going forward. Perhaps, one of these options involves your mother selling her current home or condominium, as she evaluates these senior living options.
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE BUB. my mother has no money and is living in my house, otherwise she could get a reverse mortgage!
Re: Q & A
NASA
Tue May 27, 2008 7:13 PM
Elder Care
DOD
Tue May 27, 2008 3:56 PM
Post Reply
My wife and I have both recently lost parents after long and difficult illnesses. While my mother did not live with us, my wifes mother did. It was the most difficult time of our lives, and when the needed care became too much for us (she needed full-time nursing care), and a nursing home was the only option, she only lived 30 days and it was a very sad time. A similar thing happened with my sisters and my mother. If anyone thinks it a easy to care for a parent, wake up and be ready for some truly gut wrenching moments. There is nothing easy about it.
TAKING CARE OF PARENTS
USMC
Tue May 27, 2008 4:33 PM
Post Reply
I LOST MY FATHER TO CANCER. It was difficult & I went to see him ever evening and got him to appointments with out missing any work & got his medications. I was very luck with my father.
My mother. I have had to take two weeks of family leave - twice in the last year (never had to before). Once for a hospital surgery, & once for her eye surgery (& recovery)
Both times my boss was very nice & understanding, but other people that work with me were Not very nice to me.
BUT! One lady here at work: Her mother had cancer & I know her boss & co-workers made her live terrible.
I felt very lucky to have a wonderful boss when I took off time to care for my mother.
I think taking time off to care for parents -- depends on who you work for (your boss), who your co-workers are, & who are your customers at your position.
Some people support you caring for family & some don't.
In some cases: It may require changing positions to care for parents.
Agree it is all about the people where you work
IRS
Wed May 28, 2008 8:16 AM
Post Reply
In 1989, when my mom was dying from Leukemia, I worked at the Naval Research Laboratory and received all the support in the world from management and co-workers. In 1998, when my dad was dying from colon cancer, heart disease and a myriad of other issues, I worked at the IRS - the manager and two of the co-workers made life miserable for me - to the point that I ended up in the hospital myself and had to ask for a job transfer. Again - I agree that it is all about the people where you work. No laws can make people more empathetic/sympathetic. Been there done that.
Brutal truths
DOD
Wed May 28, 2008 10:14 AM
Post Reply
This article was a bit high-handed, but the brutal fact of the matter is that hard decisions have to be made. There will be sacrifices. Continuing to live among friends and family may mean sacrificing a promotion or working a second job. Taking care of a loved one at home may mean learning to live on one income or supporting a sib or child who isn't working but is taking care of grandma. Fortunately, our state will pay a stipend to the one taking care of a disabled or mortally ill person. Many times that becomes the job for the caregiver.
I sacrificed my education to medical needs and it will likely be a couple more years before I can go back to school. So be it. I lost promotion opportunities, but even in hindsight, I would have had to make that choice.
It isn't easy. They key word is "sacrifice." But the tone of this article was pretty cold.
Am there, doing that
Federal Agency
Thu May 29, 2008 9:13 AM
Post Reply
I'm taking care of a terminally ill sibling who has chosen to die at home. Of course this is impacting my attendance (dr's appointments, treatments, and it only becomes more time-consuming as his condition worsens) and my productivity (gee, I'm a bit distracted altho doing my best while I'm here). "Advice" like selling someone's house so $$ is available to put them in a nursing home is very cold and pretty impractical - he's not healthy enough to go through all his belongings and pack things up, and I don't have time. He's ineligible for Medicare and, at the ripe old age of 50 and self-employed, he hadn't gotten around to buying long-term care insurance.
We all determine our own priorities, and mine is my family. If I could change one thing, I'd make him healthy again. (I pray for that on a daily basis, but sometimes the answer to a prayer is still "no.") In the meantime, I'll do whatever it takes to honor his wishes. He'd do the same for me. Work and promotions can wait.
Re: Am there, doing that
DA
Thu May 29, 2008 1:58 PM
Re: Am there, doing that
Federal Agency
Thu May 29, 2008 3:55 PM