I have worked with many labor-management relationships where it was clear that neither side trusted the other. If they were to have an effective relationship, a pathway to trust must be created.
One of the most challenging tasks for a relationship is regaining lost trust. It can take years to build trust, but a single transaction can result in the total loss of trust.
Barriers to trust can be eliminated or reduced, but doing so requires commitment and hard work. First, a person must be willing to acknowledge that a barrier exists. The hardest part is getting to the point where the people involved in the loss of trust are willing to take a chance on doing something to regain trust. Only then can he or she work on increasing communication to begin chipping away at a barrier to trust.
Most people understand that people make mistakes. It is what is done once the mistake is made that will determine the future of the relationship.
Working to regain trust is always risky business. We must be willing to accept the risk of being betrayed again, and we must commit to communicating in ways that we usually would not communicate with someone whom we don’t trust.
However, unless communication is regained, trust also will not be regained. Commitments must be clearly understood and should contain safeguards and rules for appropriate behavior. Every relationship participant should verbalize the commitment, and it must also be understood that individuals will hold one another accountable during the process of restoring trust.
Forget, Forgive, and Fix
Issues that led to a loss of trust cannot be ignored or wished into nonexistence. Supervisors and employees must eventually discuss the events and conditions that led to the loss of trust. Once there is a mutual understanding of the causes, participants must commit to:
- Forget things that resulted from misunderstandings and not from malice. Most people do not ever forget a perceived wrong done to them; however, when presented with facts previously unknown, they may start the process of coming to understand better what took place. Some people may never entirely forget; however, they may come to understand that they were mistaken in their initial perception of past events. Emotions can cloud our judgment. When we can see things more clearly in retrospect, we may be able to let go of our reasons for losing trust.
- Forgive and seek forgiveness for things that were done and have been acknowledged as inappropriate but are impossible to fix. Although past actions cannot always be rectified, actively accepting and/or giving a sincere apology may start you down the road to forgiveness. Most people have the innate ability to forgive transgressions if they do not reoccur and they believe the perpetrator of the wrong is truly sorry.
- Fix things that can be fixed to demonstrate a sincere desire to move forward in the relationship. Doing this can display your good faith to the other party, your willingness to make amends, and your commitment to rebuilding trust. However, once a commitment is made to fix something, it is going to be all important to the future health of the relationship for the party agreeing to fix something to follow through and make the fix.
I have used these three concepts to work with groups that have significant trust issues. A well-guided discussion can start the forgetting process by illuminating facts which might not have been known or which might have been misunderstood at the time. Acknowledging and forgiving wrongdoing can indicate willingness to rebuild trust.
Fixing problems is another way to concretely prove that you want to move the relationship in the direction of trust. You must take a risk that both parties to the discussion will live up to the commitments they have made to forget, forgive, and fix.
Show Appreciation
Respect is a major component of trust, and showing appreciation is a way of showing respect. Therefore, showing appreciation for others is an important step toward developing trust in the workplace.
Appreciation does not have to involve a monetary reward and can instead be as simple as a thank you and a smile. As a supervisor, showing appreciation is a way of showing the value that you place on your employees’ hard work. Employees like to be recognized and want to believe that their supervisors appreciate their efforts.
Think of how many times in the last week you have shown appreciation to each of your employees. If you can’t remember the last time that you thanked one of your employees in one way or another, then it’s time to do it. Showing appreciation applies to all relationships: the relationship between spouses, parents, and children or between friends.
I was once asked to conduct a number of training sessions on increasing trust among hospital supervisors and managers. In one of the sessions, every participant was given an assignment to show appreciation to at least five hospital employees throughout the day.
The chief of staff, who was infamous for his authoritarian management style, related his results a few weeks later at the next training session. He had noticed an employee washing windows near the main entrance, so he thanked the employee for giving visitors a positive first impression of the hospital.
A week later, a particular hospital ward experienced a terrible biological incident. The ward’s cleaning janitorial crew refused to clean up the mess due to supposed concerns for their health. The chief of staff was on the verge of losing his temper when the window-washer approached and offered to help with the cleanup. From that day forward, the chief of staff became an instant believer in the power of appreciation in the workplace.
